inebriation

because i am a bit of a realist, i don't ever make that common hungover rash declaration: "i'm never driniing again." but i have seriously considered it sometimes. like now. i had about 5 too many shots for a night that wasn't even my birthday, and i'm definitely not happy about it. but i did have a good time.

one of my favorite drinking activites is playing those megatouch screen games at the bar. i am thoroughly entertained by erotic mystery phrase (which is basically dirty wheel of fortune). some of the more memorable answers include: kiss the bearded clam, penile sheath, stroking the bald man... the list goes on. i highly recommend playing if you have the chance because it's good stuff when you're drunk.

what happened in vegas

i think i spent the last 4 days in vegas. i mean i still hear the clinking and pinging of slot machines, everything i own smells like smoke and other people's hand sweat, i know i haven't been to work this week, and my bank account seems a little... empty. so that must be it. it was fun, but went really fast.

for anyone going to vegas sometime soon, here is a list of dos and don'ts:

do go to the hofbräuhaus for giant beer, good music and delicious sauerkraut
don't drink three of said giant beers and then let some nice austrians buy you a shot pear schnapps

do try to find the most affordable hotel to stay in
don't expect the route to your room in these hotels to be easy or even remotely direct*
sub don't let your mom get an adjoining room with you and your husband in vegas

do cheer on your 85-year-old great uncle as he kicks ass in a poker tourney and wins the whole thing
don't laugh too hard when your 31-year-old brother is out of a poker tourney in about 15 minutes

do at least try to understand craps and even throw the dice
don't effing crap out after 4 throws because people don't like it when you lose their money

do listen to cover bands in vegas because they always rock
don't be surprised at how terrible drunken, middle-aged white people dance when listening to said cover bands**

do go to a strip club on a whim
don't go to a strip club when you're really drunk because you end up spending way too much money for not really remembering a whole lot

do get an appreciation for penny slots
don't try to think about how much money you've lost before you really discover the beauty of gambling for one cent



*i believe there were 2 sets of escalators, 1 staircase, 4 hallways and an elevator involved

**except for that one suspiciously hot, flexible woman who is probably an escort to that not-so-hot older man

good things can happen to those who deserve it

awhile back, i wrote about a great friend of mine having some horrible things happen to her. i'm extreemly happy to share that her life is deservedly taking some positive turns. in fact, i got a phone call late last week telling me of her latest good news.

she was born and raised here in nebraska and following much of the bad drama, she decided to move to dallas to explore her dream of being a dallas coyboy cheerleader ("dcc" as we're referring to it). she and i danced together for about 5 years in high school and she's great at it. plus, she's quite the hottie so i think she stands a good chance of making it pretty far in the auditions, if not all the way. last week she got a phone call from the folks at the dcc reality show on cmt and they want to feature her and her story on the show! so she'll be interviewed an hopefully be one of the main "characters." what makes it even more exciting is that this girl is a reality show junkie. i'm so happy for her and can't wait to watch her on tv -- even if it means that i'll have to tune into cmt.

pet peeves and shit

it's time for another list. this list is necessary because it's april 11th and it snowed all day. the following peeves range from slight annoyances to stuff that makes me want to punch people in the face. enjoy.

• doctor's appointments . i spent 2 hours at the doctor's office today for a 4 minute procedure only to get a prescription that would take me 25 minutes to fill. i want my 8 episodes of the office i could have been watching back.

• trite, over-punctuated, italicized taglines with quotes around them on small-business vans . ex. "Quality you can TRUST!!!"

• cavities that have to be refilled just a month after they were filled the first time .

• katie couric . some people say she's a shitty reporter.*

• two spaces between sentences . it's over people. you don't have to do it anymore. now that digital type has replaced the monotype letters of old, readability between sentences is just fine with one.

• that blonde bitch on lost . quit playing games with my heart!

• drivers . i was going to list specific driving instances that suck, but that list got too long.

• the apostrophe s ('s) behind years that should never be there unless the year posesses something . like "i had fun getting high in the 1970's." there's no need for an apostrophe there. when did this start? and why--since it's wrong--does everyone still do it?

• thinking about insurance, taxes, IRAs, stocks, bonds and other confusing financial things i can never seem to wrap my head around.

• effing. snow. in. the. middle. of. april.


*oh wait, i actually can site those sources.

walk of shame

have you ever had one of those morning where you wake up with a bad feeling -- beyond the hungover, tired, bloated, want-to-puke-but-not feeling? i'm talking about the panicked, confession-inducing guilt that comes from a drunken mistake you can't quite remember. this was one of those mornings.

first things first, i rolled over to make sure it was my husband laying beside me and not some hot stranger i would have to try to kick out. when that checked out, i tried to replay the previous night's events in my head. 1) got home 2) picked up a bit 3) paid some bills 4) cut out magnum's business cards 5) started drinking morgan and pibb 6) listened to creighton/nebraska baseball game that i was supposed to be at but didn't go to because it was cold out 7) talked politics with magnum 8) played around on the comput.... oh fuck. it hit me.



i started a myspace page.