an important list
my memory sucks. it sucks bad, and i hate it. i can memorize really well for immediate regurgitation, but recalling most events in my past comes as quite a bit of a challenge. my lack of memory is actually a huge part of why i keep blogging, because when my mind fails to remember my life, at least it will be stored here safely and forever on the interweb.
lately i have noticed that i'm having a hard time remembering what it was like when my dad was still alive, and i really don't like that at all. he was such an enormous part of my life and who i am — when he died, a lot of me died, too. i worry that the longer i go on living without truly trying to remember everything i can about him, the more i will forget. so even though i've written about him in the past, i'm going to start a more detailed list of memories and thoughts about him that i can keep adding to — something i can read and smile at when i want to think about the wonderful father who raised me and still inspires me to this day.
• his hugs. this will always be first on my list of dad memories because he was the best hugger in the world, and he did it constantly. even when i was an angsty teenager who tried to push him away because hugs from my dad weren't cool at the time, he always won that battle and managed to sneak one in anyway. (chase, consider this a warning.)
• his smile. everyone who knew him would say he had a very warm, genuine smile. it said so much about the type of person he was — caring, life-loving, open, happy. he appreciated everything he had, and he truly wanted everyone to be just as happy.
• his intelligence and thirst for knowledge. i'm sure everyone thinks their dad is brilliant, but it really seems like mine was more intelligent than he ever led on. he never acted like he was smarter or better than anyone, but i can't think of a single time when i asked him something he didn't know. i specifically remember taking vacations with him, where he expertly mapped out our entire road-trip with planned overnight stays in various unique towns across america. he must have studied everything we'd see along the way because he was like a tour guide. he recounted custer's last stand before we arrived at the site, he explained why there were stone fence posts in certain parts of the south, he even talked about the indigenous wild life and foliage we would come across at each destination. i don't know how i fell into the shallow end of the gene pool when it comes to retaining that sort of knowledge...
• his garden. one vivid memory i will always be able to picture in my head is my dad out in the garden on a hot, summer day. he was a teacher so he had summers off, which allowed him to plant wonderful crops of corn, potatoes, carrots, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, beans and much more... he loved taking this gray old-school radio into the garden to listen to baseball games while he pulled weeds and harvested the fruits (and vegetables) of his labor. before he died, he mentioned something to my brother and i about wondering if we'd ever have a garden. i have planted a little one every year at my house and will continue to do so — not just for the delicious taste of fresh, home-grown tomatoes.
• family vacations. we didn't have a ton of money growing up, but we weren't poor either. one expenditure my dad considered most valuable was our family vacations. we went on at least one a year, and we always drove. i still love road trips to this day, and if i listen to springsteen or melancamp in my car on a warm summer day, i can still imagine being in the back seat of the car on our way across the country. i have seen almost all of the united states, and am so grateful he made our family trips such a priority. we also went fishing in canada almost every year, which was actually a tradition started by my mom's dad. i loved being out on the beautiful open water and spending quality time with my family. i really look forward to taking my son on trips and creating those memories with him.
• coach captain bill. i'm not quite sure where the name captain bill came from, but i'm pretty sure i started it at some point in junior high or high school. my dad was the high school volleyball and track coach for years. i spent a whole lot of my childhood accompanying him to his practices or games — and even lots of other high school activities because he was very involved and supportive of all his students. many of my childhood dinners consisted of concession stand foods and i rode on a school bus more than i care to admit, but all of the exposure to the high school world gave me lots of aspirations when i was growing up. i wanted to be in every activity i could — from sports to speech to band — and once i got old enough, that's exactly what i did. i always tried really hard to be a good volleyball player, and i practiced probably more than most girls on my team, but i still fall a little too short in the hand-eye coordination department. luckily i went to state in track all four years to make up for it. the best thing about my dad was that he was very supportive and helpful, but never pushed too hard. even when i was a senior and wanted to act in the fall play rather than play volleyball, he was behind my decision 100%, and even told me he loved watching me up on stage during the play. if he was upset about that decision of mine, i will never know it.
this is just a start, but i will definitely keep adding to this post...
lately i have noticed that i'm having a hard time remembering what it was like when my dad was still alive, and i really don't like that at all. he was such an enormous part of my life and who i am — when he died, a lot of me died, too. i worry that the longer i go on living without truly trying to remember everything i can about him, the more i will forget. so even though i've written about him in the past, i'm going to start a more detailed list of memories and thoughts about him that i can keep adding to — something i can read and smile at when i want to think about the wonderful father who raised me and still inspires me to this day.
• his hugs. this will always be first on my list of dad memories because he was the best hugger in the world, and he did it constantly. even when i was an angsty teenager who tried to push him away because hugs from my dad weren't cool at the time, he always won that battle and managed to sneak one in anyway. (chase, consider this a warning.)
• his smile. everyone who knew him would say he had a very warm, genuine smile. it said so much about the type of person he was — caring, life-loving, open, happy. he appreciated everything he had, and he truly wanted everyone to be just as happy.
• his intelligence and thirst for knowledge. i'm sure everyone thinks their dad is brilliant, but it really seems like mine was more intelligent than he ever led on. he never acted like he was smarter or better than anyone, but i can't think of a single time when i asked him something he didn't know. i specifically remember taking vacations with him, where he expertly mapped out our entire road-trip with planned overnight stays in various unique towns across america. he must have studied everything we'd see along the way because he was like a tour guide. he recounted custer's last stand before we arrived at the site, he explained why there were stone fence posts in certain parts of the south, he even talked about the indigenous wild life and foliage we would come across at each destination. i don't know how i fell into the shallow end of the gene pool when it comes to retaining that sort of knowledge...
• his garden. one vivid memory i will always be able to picture in my head is my dad out in the garden on a hot, summer day. he was a teacher so he had summers off, which allowed him to plant wonderful crops of corn, potatoes, carrots, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, beans and much more... he loved taking this gray old-school radio into the garden to listen to baseball games while he pulled weeds and harvested the fruits (and vegetables) of his labor. before he died, he mentioned something to my brother and i about wondering if we'd ever have a garden. i have planted a little one every year at my house and will continue to do so — not just for the delicious taste of fresh, home-grown tomatoes.
• family vacations. we didn't have a ton of money growing up, but we weren't poor either. one expenditure my dad considered most valuable was our family vacations. we went on at least one a year, and we always drove. i still love road trips to this day, and if i listen to springsteen or melancamp in my car on a warm summer day, i can still imagine being in the back seat of the car on our way across the country. i have seen almost all of the united states, and am so grateful he made our family trips such a priority. we also went fishing in canada almost every year, which was actually a tradition started by my mom's dad. i loved being out on the beautiful open water and spending quality time with my family. i really look forward to taking my son on trips and creating those memories with him.
• coach captain bill. i'm not quite sure where the name captain bill came from, but i'm pretty sure i started it at some point in junior high or high school. my dad was the high school volleyball and track coach for years. i spent a whole lot of my childhood accompanying him to his practices or games — and even lots of other high school activities because he was very involved and supportive of all his students. many of my childhood dinners consisted of concession stand foods and i rode on a school bus more than i care to admit, but all of the exposure to the high school world gave me lots of aspirations when i was growing up. i wanted to be in every activity i could — from sports to speech to band — and once i got old enough, that's exactly what i did. i always tried really hard to be a good volleyball player, and i practiced probably more than most girls on my team, but i still fall a little too short in the hand-eye coordination department. luckily i went to state in track all four years to make up for it. the best thing about my dad was that he was very supportive and helpful, but never pushed too hard. even when i was a senior and wanted to act in the fall play rather than play volleyball, he was behind my decision 100%, and even told me he loved watching me up on stage during the play. if he was upset about that decision of mine, i will never know it.
this is just a start, but i will definitely keep adding to this post...
posted by dub at 5:41 AM
1 Comments:
Wendy, this is a beautiful, heartfelt, wonderfully written post, and I cried when I read it - both out of sadness at the unfairness of you not having your dad around anymore and at the palpable joy I could feel at your memories. I'm sure you cried as your wrote it! I can't wait until Chase is old enough that you can share these memories with him.
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