glorious waste of time

there's something really awesome about using positive adjectives & adverbs in negative statements:

hillary is an unimaginable bitch.

the primary process is a fantastic load of crap.

the reverend wright issue is profoundly blown out of proportion.

dubya's presidency is a wondrous fiasco.

i positively loathe the price of gas.

ann coulter genuinely needs to stop talking.

john mccain is marvelously old.

what the freck...

around work i'm kind of known as the potty mouth. i don't think it's because i curse the most, but rather because i curse the best. there are others who definitely span the spectrum of 4-letter words more often than myself, i just use the right ones at the right times, always putting the perfect emphasis on whatever i'm trying to say. a lot of times i'll drop some version of the f-bomb into a sentence just to be over-the-top and funny. other times, my true annoyance, anger or disapproval can only be expressed in the form of naughty slang.

since a clean, new, innocent human is about to enter my daily surroundings, i feel like i should at least try to get in the habit of somewhat censoring myself, but i refuse to use lame substitutes for the good words. using words like 'darn' instead of 'damn' is like drinking diet dr. thunder instead of delicious regular dr. pepper. i'd rather drink piss.

so my quest for awesome, substitute curse words begins...

so far i think 'fuck' has the best and widest variety of substitute words: 'eff, frick/freck (depending on the pronunciation), f-bomb, effer, friggin, fudge-nut...'

also, instead of 'damn it,' i like the idea of using 'consarn it all.' that phrase is pretty retro, and anything retro is cool.

i can always go with the german word 'scheiße' as a substitute for 'shit.' not only does it sound cool, it brings out some of my heritage... which actually leads me to another thought. magnum and i both took german in high school and have always wanted to speak it fluently. from what i understand, it's easier for a child to learn a second language when they're young, so if we can get motivated enough, it'd be sweet to teach german to chase as we learn it ourselves. we'll see if that happens.

back to the task at hand... are 'douche' or 'douchebag' cuss words? i think it's better than calling someone a 'retard,' but i'll probably get in trouble if my 2-year-old calls grandpa a 'douche.'

although i'm not sure where it came from, i've already found myself saying 'holy mother of pete!' like last night when i was outside with my cat and a giant, black spider jumped out at me from the pile of garden hoses.

thanks to stewie, i'm also a big fan of the word 'blast,' only spoken with an english accent of course.

that's about all i have for now. any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

half full?

i hate how the older i get, the more cynical i get. i know it's inevitable that with age comes more experiences and unfortunately more negative outcomes, but usually there are just as many positive outcomes that somehow get lost in my memory. lately i have been taking note of how surprised i am when something goes well, even something simple.

for example, part of my $100 ipod fm transmitter broke awhile back and i just assumed i was screwed because why would they ever sell just the part i need separately? so i emailed the company the other day and found out that they in fact do sell the part i need separately for just $5.99, and they're going to ship it for free! amazing.