and i'm blogging

For some reason, I felt the need to have a blog today. I'll probably regret it tomorrow, but that's what they make the "delete blog" button for. Mostly I noticed that I have a serious lack of inner monologue, so I'm hoping this will help with that. It's getting ridiculous. I must look like an escaped mental patient in the grocery store because whenever I'm there, I absolutely cannot avoid talking out loud. To nobody. If I can't find something, I just ask myself, "Where would that be?" as I wander the store. Or if I'm looking at something I'm unfamiliar with, I have to talk it out. "What's the difference between Albacore and Light Meat? Does it matter? Should I call my mom again?"

And it extends beyond the grocery store. People at work notice it all the time. They know to ignore me unless I actually address them. Luckily I have cats at home, so that at least gives me some excuse. Except for the fact that I'm TALKING TO CATS. I rehearse conversations, too. And not just serious ones that you should plan out, I mean I will actually script how I'm going to go home and tell my husband I saw a cute little squirrel running across the street carrying a giant corn cob in its mouth. So there's me in my car talking to myself, and I know people know the difference between singing and talking when they observe my schizophrenic actions from the safety of their own vehicles.

I remember one time when I was younger; my family went on vacation to a bed and breakfast. While I was in the shower, I acted out something--I can't even remember what now, but I was just yapping out loud for the entire duration of my cleansing. After I got out, I walked into the room where my family was all laughing. They asked what I was singing, and I actually said, "Oh, I wasn't singing, I was talking." Cause that was better. I mean it's common for people to SING in the shower, but dammit I should make sure nobody thought I was doing that.

Sigh.

So we'll see how this goes. It probably won't help, but at least I'm trying.